she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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