i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
