I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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