Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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