I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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