Ambien. No doubt about it.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
