Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
