What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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