Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have aggressive nipples.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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