my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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