I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
