i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
