This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize