By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize