Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
