"it" just moved
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
