Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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