Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
