I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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