Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
