i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
