when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
