Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
