We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
