I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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