Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
