Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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