Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize