are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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