You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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