we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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