I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
