found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
