she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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