The maid of honor just puked.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
