1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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