After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
