It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
