ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
