Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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