Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
