yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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