i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
