happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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