I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
