I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
