Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
