I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
