Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
