I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
