Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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