Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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