I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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