I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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