There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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