It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
