Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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