I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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