im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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