i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
