YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
