Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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