Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
