It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
