Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
