I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
