I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
