Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
