never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
