sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the liver wants what the liver wants
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
