why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
