Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
