i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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