I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
