First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No more Irish car bombs ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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