i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
